that things are not good enough, without taking responsibility and doing anything about it or when we ‘give them an inch, they want a mile’.When visiting they may well stay past a time that is acceptable without being aware of it, they may ask for advice but never follow it, they could be demanding, wanting something that we have, not taking responsibility for themselves and their own actions and in the habit of blaming everyone else but themselves for the things that go wrong in their lives. They could be someone who makes derisive, sneering comments, cutting people down to a size that they feel able to cope with perhaps so that they feel more superior. They may tell us that certain things are definitely so without seemingly giving us a choice and infringing upon and violating our boundaries.
One of the main chakras which can be affected in this sort of situation is the solar plexus chakra; the energy centre which becomes unbalanced by power issues and control struggles. The physical sensation of the ‘sinking stomach’ where the energy ‘drains’ from that chakra can sometimes also be accompanied by a definite tug, pull or twinge. It may be that protection methods by using visualisation of a white bubble, or another psychic protection technique have failed. However, someone can only do this to us if we let them, and by looking at our own perception and by taking responsibility for ourselves we can begin to feel more empowered, more discerning and less drained, by choosing not to become entangled in a web of blame in the first place.
Cutting the Cords
Energetic cords are often talked about within healing and psychic circles. These are etheric cords which become attached to us by someone who ‘wants to steal our energy’ and the cord is said to allow the energy to be leached from one person to another. Some people benefit from the practise of cutting cords. Mentally scan (‘see’ or visualise in your minds eye) your body and aura and notice if there are any areas where cords may be attached ~ you may also see who they are connecting back to. Visualise cutting these cords with a beam of white light or perhaps ask Archangel Michael to assist in cutting them. You may notice relief, or a freeing of your energy. This may also be followed by contact from the person who’s cord has been cut as on some level they realise that their supply has run out.
Although many people find this technique works for them, don’t despair if you don’t feel any difference or if you only gain temporary relief from this practise. It can well be a two way process, that there is something that we are unconsciously getting out of it too and by addressing this we can prevent cords from attaching in the first place.
Taking Responsibility
By taking responsibility we acknowledge that somehow we’re letting the person do this to begin with and once we become conscious of why this is, we can then take steps to address it. There is often anger and blame attached to ‘energy vampires’, such as ‘they really drain my energy!’, ‘they’re sooo negative’, which in itself is negative and judgemental, rather than being discerning. It could be that we are the biggest drain upon ourselves through the hidden power of our unconscious shadow emotions. It’s often said that we can be our own worst enemies and what we do ourselves is often more difficult to see within. It ‘takes’ more energy to create judgement as it is a more rigid, forceful, reactive energy than discernment, which notices, observes, and flexes appropriately. Appropriate response can sometimes be to take a step back, whilst remaining centred within ourselves and accepting with compassion that they are in that place rather than judging them for it. We can still show that we care for them and their circumstances by the very expression on our face and our words; but to try to save the world can be draining in itself!
There can often be very good reason for someone wanting or needing energy so badly, perhaps because they do not know how to pay attention to themselves to generate their own energy. Whilst we do not have to be responsible for giving them that energy, through discernment we can consciously decide whether we want to give someone the energy that they seem to be needing or not – depending on where we are at within ourselves. When we are discerning we can check in with ourselves and run a self-assessment first, deciding whether we have enough energy for ourselves to begin with so that we can give freely and unconditionally to the other without looking for thanks, approval or reward. This is where on a professional level money comes in as a substitute for energy and why we may decide to charge for something, if we cannot continuously give freely. By this knowledge we come to recognise our own limits rather than making false promises and letting them down. By recognising our own limits we are able to more clearly define them to others, so that they know where they stand with us. In this process we become safer to be with and more trustworthy in the long run because we do not fuel the very negativity that they are probably feeling in the first place.
In relation to others, we often instinctively know whether we can get away with something or not, by our very responses towards them. If we don’t think we can get away with something, this is usually down to the person having clear, strong, but flexible personal boundaries. But what of our own boundaries? Are we able to assert ourselves in a centred fashion too and calmly say ‘No’ and ‘Enough is Enough’, when we have had enough? Effective communication and assertiveness techniques can help in addressing this, especially by allowing us to identify areas where we might be overly aggressive or passive. These areas can be the gaps in our protection where we draw people towards us (literally pull on another’s energy) or manifest situations in order to see ourselves more clearly, and to grow as a result of that.
It may help us to address why we continue to attract similar types of people, into our lives. Is it a pattern for us, in order to see something within ourselves? The other person can often be mirroring something to us which means that they are doing something which we do too, even if that is only within one area of our life or on a subtle basis – do we do the same in some way? There are times when we won’t go near someone, or do something, because we know that they will not ‘take us on’. That can tell us a lot about ourselves and the energy games that we might play too, what we think we can ‘get away with’ even if that is only with our nearest and dearest!
When we do get drawn in, maybe it is because we feel a need to ‘fix’ or rescue the person. This can sometimes be draining through our own sinking disappointment when we have put our energy into finding solutions, only to be told that they’re not the right ones or we are not acknowledged for the effort that we have put in. Acknowledgement can be the payoff that we are looking for and to receive it fulfils our own needs, not that of the other person. It may be that we are looking for approval by helping them, and that’s our payoff. Somehow we have got caught up in their drama and become attached to them too; it’s mutual. What are we a sucker for? ‘I’m a sucker for a sob story’ (yes I can be!) So who is the vampire, or is it a two way process? Is it actually our own underlying desires and perception which are really draining us in the first place and we are draining ourselves? How do we allow ourselves to get hooked in to begin with? By thinking that the other person ‘should’ change or do something differently etc etc etc, rather than accepting them as they are and trusting that they will find their inner resources when they are ready, are we sharing the drama with them?
It might be that we have expectations of the person and expectations can create mutual attachments or ‘sticking points’ because they are something that we are holding on to, or hoping for. Expectations are based in the future, rather than in the present and to maintain the focus of energy in the future, takes the energy and our attention away from the present. If you find yourself getting angry, worried or irritated, it’s likely there’s some form of expectation or attachment occurring and these emotions that we ourselves feel (no one can make us feel anything) all consume energy. By taking responsibility for our choices and by taking control of ourselves and learning to master our own emotions then we can begin to protect ourselves more fully from future reoccurrences of the so called energy loss.
Listening to our intuition can help us to discern whether getting involved in a friendship or relationship in the first place is a good idea or not. Paying attention to those first fleeting thoughts and feelings that we have about another can be a guide as to our degree of involvement with them. It is a choice, we don’t have to jump right in and we have a choice in deciding who we do and who we do not ‘let in’ to our lives when we begin to listen and pay attention to ourselves. When we seemingly get it ‘wrong’, it can help us to remember that it is a learning process, and through this we come to understand more. Remaining discerning of where someone else might be at, rather than being judgemental, may be the key to not getting entangled in the drama in the first place.
When we consciously think about how we can take responsibility for ourselves, rather than blaming the so called energy vampires we can then look towards how we can go about generating, or replenishing our own energy so that perhaps we may have more spare energy to give away. We can begin to do this for ourselves through looking at our boundaries as a container for our own energy and looking at the areas where we lack strength (our weak spots) where we might be losing energy.
Replenishing energy comes about through meditation, energy treatments such as Reiki or spiritual healing, praying, taking responsibility, taking care of ourselves by acknowledging our own needs and putting ourselves first where appropriate. If we haven’t got love for ourselves, by taking care of ourselves and listening to our own needs, how can we give love in the first place? Prioritising can result in the wise use of energy, deciding when, where and what we put our own energy into. Knowing that we can be fully present for a person with no expectations can be a real gift to them if we do feel that we can be of help. Sometimes it can serve us to remember the phrases ‘Let Go and Let God/Higher Powers’ and trusting that ‘everything is unfolding as it should’, that we aren’t responsible for everyone else, but we are responsible for ourselves.
Emma © 2007
Energy vampires are often talked about in psychic and healing jargon and this is referring to a person who is believed to be draining another person of energy, or attacking another person as in the case of psychic attack. In their presence, or at a distance, it may feel like our energy or life-force is being sapped away. Being with them may leave us feeling exhausted. They may be someone who latches on to us very quickly and wants our company often, who frequently complains
words and pictures copyright Emma Sims 2009 ©
